It's 7:03 PM on Friday night, aka couch night, and I'm almost 2 glasses of red wine in, when my iPhone 'dings' at me that I have an online dating message. First thought - this could work! He's clearly having just as lame a night as I am since he's online messaging on a party night. So I immediately check the message.
Here's what I received - word for word, copy pasted, no altering.
Tommy's message:
Hello Princess, i just wanted to say you are very beautiful and i know you get lots of emails but this is something different,so fun and hot....i think you will love it and it is so much fun:)....i was hoping you would be interested in exploring this little fantasy of mine with me...im looking for a dominant bossy girl who would love to have me as her personal slaveboy/biatch to use however she wants...imagine having me on a dog leash on all fours as your footstool while you relax and/or have me tongue polish your heels for your entertainment,have me take you shopping while you boss me around and have me pay and carry your bags....its sort of mental power exchange fun games...,most private and discrete relationship...you can literally have me do things for you,have me run your errands...totally boss me around...myself im classy,fun guy just looking to explore this fantasy and see where it will take me...i think you will love it and i will worship the ground you walk on....if you are intrigued we should talk more
tommy:)
PS i am not looking for sex whatsoever,this is strictly fun roleplays,id love to get a new pair of christian louboutin heels for you to walk all over me in:)
I didn't even know what to think. Although very entertaining, and obviously a mass copy and paste to other lucky women, I was more pissed that I wasted time reading his message and not pouring myself a 3rd glass of wine. This prompted me to sift through other online beauts and share with the world.
Here you go MEN OUT THERE - Things you should NEVER say in your first online message:
Maxime:
Wow, I love ur smile :) If u were a new hamburger at McDonald's, u would be a McGorgeous :)
That's cute, however I consider myself at least a Five Guys grade burger.
Callmecrazy:
Dear, miss out of my league. you probably get a ton of messages, and why would you ever date a guy like me. Hopefully you'll notice me through all the good looking men, and big biceps.
OK, Mr. I-have-the-lowest-self-esteem-on-the-planet. You're just the strong independant man I'm looking for.
Joni:
Hello. A co-worker told me to join this site cause there are girls worth getting to know...now that I saw your profile, he was right. :)
My eyeballs hurt from rolling so hard.
Laidbackfunguy69:
I'm sure my first message got lost in your overloaded inbox. But i can tell you're a unique woman. Care to chat?
He messaged me 3 more times, with a similar message. There's a reason why your message got lost. And how the hell can you tell I'm unique?! Not to mention the blaring 69 in your profile name.
Samueltheshark:
I love you.
Go on....
ALwyzfresh:
How are u? U into dark skin fella's :p There's a first time for everything!
What does that even mean?! First time for what exactly... I'm frightened a little.
Jonindacity:
You know, they've got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, "Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport".
It was a very good attempt. So I responded, but his 2nd and 3rd messages were one-word-wonders. So, I bailed on that one. Too bad, you were off to a good start!
Have any terrible/ funny first online messages you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!! Tweet me @52firstdatesTO or comment here!
Happy motherfucking dating.
La Blonde xx
Here's what I received - word for word, copy pasted, no altering.
Tommy's message:
Hello Princess, i just wanted to say you are very beautiful and i know you get lots of emails but this is something different,so fun and hot....i think you will love it and it is so much fun:)....i was hoping you would be interested in exploring this little fantasy of mine with me...im looking for a dominant bossy girl who would love to have me as her personal slaveboy/biatch to use however she wants...imagine having me on a dog leash on all fours as your footstool while you relax and/or have me tongue polish your heels for your entertainment,have me take you shopping while you boss me around and have me pay and carry your bags....its sort of mental power exchange fun games...,most private and discrete relationship...you can literally have me do things for you,have me run your errands...totally boss me around...myself im classy,fun guy just looking to explore this fantasy and see where it will take me...i think you will love it and i will worship the ground you walk on....if you are intrigued we should talk more
tommy:)
PS i am not looking for sex whatsoever,this is strictly fun roleplays,id love to get a new pair of christian louboutin heels for you to walk all over me in:)
I didn't even know what to think. Although very entertaining, and obviously a mass copy and paste to other lucky women, I was more pissed that I wasted time reading his message and not pouring myself a 3rd glass of wine. This prompted me to sift through other online beauts and share with the world.
Here you go MEN OUT THERE - Things you should NEVER say in your first online message:
Maxime:
Wow, I love ur smile :) If u were a new hamburger at McDonald's, u would be a McGorgeous :)
That's cute, however I consider myself at least a Five Guys grade burger.
Callmecrazy:
Dear, miss out of my league. you probably get a ton of messages, and why would you ever date a guy like me. Hopefully you'll notice me through all the good looking men, and big biceps.
OK, Mr. I-have-the-lowest-self-esteem-on-the-planet. You're just the strong independant man I'm looking for.
Joni:
Hello. A co-worker told me to join this site cause there are girls worth getting to know...now that I saw your profile, he was right. :)
My eyeballs hurt from rolling so hard.
Laidbackfunguy69:
I'm sure my first message got lost in your overloaded inbox. But i can tell you're a unique woman. Care to chat?
He messaged me 3 more times, with a similar message. There's a reason why your message got lost. And how the hell can you tell I'm unique?! Not to mention the blaring 69 in your profile name.
Samueltheshark:
I love you.
Go on....
ALwyzfresh:
How are u? U into dark skin fella's :p There's a first time for everything!
What does that even mean?! First time for what exactly... I'm frightened a little.
Jonindacity:
You know, they've got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, "Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport".
It was a very good attempt. So I responded, but his 2nd and 3rd messages were one-word-wonders. So, I bailed on that one. Too bad, you were off to a good start!
Have any terrible/ funny first online messages you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!! Tweet me @52firstdatesTO or comment here!
Happy motherfucking dating.
La Blonde xx
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