Feeling a nice buzz with a smoke in one hand, Lucia in the other, we approached our destination. "Hey ladies, you here for the singles party?" bellowed the bouncer. Why yes, asshole, we are. What gave it away?
There was a lineup to get in, which always makes a bar seem promising. We were welcomed by a friendly lady with a clipboard who asked for our names and just before stamping our hand, she offered to bump us to VIP. I secretly wondered if it was because we looked like the most desperate? But we got free coat check and a glass of champagne so if that's what desperate looks like, we took it. Lucia and I b-lined it for the bar. Vodka Redbull por favor. The first thing I noticed was the variety of men and women in the crowd; tall, short, old, young, and all races of the world. Within three minutes, an older, larger gentleman came by to hand us a sheet a paper with a bunch of questions on it - sort of like a break-the-ice kind of activity.
"So what's the most interesting thing you've done lately?"
"Coming here", said Lucia as she ordered us another round.
Next, a handsome silver fox approached us with the same paper in his hand. He asked the question "Name something on your bucket list?" that stemmed a conversation about traveling and the world, life, and so began the interview process. He was very charming, and turns out he's a standup comedian at Yuk Yuk's. He gave me his card in case I ever wanted 'a good laugh over inappropriate subject matter or to use him for tickets'. Sign me up! Within 6 minutes of being at this place, I got hit on my two men (regardless that they were my fathers age and one was obese) and asked out on a date. Not bad, I thought. Could be worse.
Lucia and I moved locations, and by locations we literally walked to the other end of the bar and assumed our positions. Twenty-seven seconds later and in come the next two prospects. My dude was 23, cute, shorter than I, with a preppy look; vest and tie, clean shaven with a shaved head. Here's how the conversation went:
Him: "So how many guys hit on you tonight?"
Me: "Including you? 2.5."
Him: "Am I the .5?"
Me: "It's possible."
Him: "I like your sarcasm. Have you ever had a threesome?"
Me: (For some reason it didn't even phase me that he asked that question. I was more concerned about what part of me suggested I was interested in having one.) "Um, no. Sorry."
Him: "I just had one this week. Three guys, one girl. You should try it sometime."
Me: "Three?! Holy fuck. Poor girl... did she like it?"
Him: "I think so. She didn't really have a choice though..."
I wish I was making up this entire conversation, but alas, shit be real. At that point, I needed another seven drinks and wondered if Lucia's conversation with her winner was as riveting, slash, as disturbing as mine. After he basically told me he raped a girl, whom by the way claims he's still friends with, I knew it was time to go. Time to go like a year ago. I told him I was going to blog about him because he was good material and all flattered he agreed that that was fine. Maybe he didn't believe me. Whatever. Thanks, 2.5!
I interrupted Lucia who was deeply in the bag and aggressively discussing Croatian politics with her dude. We grabbed our coats, braced the wintery grossness and stumbled off to the next adventure of the night - a friend's birthday. I could feel a blackout night coming on. On a positive note, I did appreciate the fact that men actually had the balls to come and chat with us that night. Lord knows, how many times you're at the bar and making eyes with a cutie all night, you think he's going to come by and chat, and then *poof* ...disappears into thin air.
Not sure I'll ever go to another 'singles party' again, but it was definitely worth checking it out. We came, we saw, we conquered... nothing. Feeling an even nicer buzz with a smoke in one hand, Lucia in the other, we approached our next destination.....
La Blonde xx