If I have one word to describe my date with The Russian it would be "Nyet". For those who are just as fluent in Russian as I am... it means the opposite of "Da" which is yes. See? Fluent. I thought this was supposed to be lucky date number 7? Instead, it was lucky number you're a creepy douche bucket.
At first, things seemed promising. And by promising, I mean no blaring red flags. Other than the fact that I told him that calling me 'hun' is completely frowned upon in my books, he then called me 'hun' in three separate texts after that. Maybe if I spoke Russian...? Also, I think I owe The Over-Texter an apology or at least a rename. The Russian fully wins the World Series of over-texting. And his use of smiley faces was unnatural, which led me to believe he was either a decent human, or a blatant sex offender because no man can be that :) all the time. The first seventeen :) were nice, but soon after I wanted to rip the ) off the : ....
Anyway, after chatting for a while he asked me out on a Starbucks date. I soon found out that he doesn't drive (#winner) so I offered to drive to him. He conveniently lived about 10 minutes from my grandmother's place, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone - hang with granny and then hang with Russia.
I had a lovely chat with grandmother that evening, even though she may have asked me three times if I've met a man yet:
"No, Grandma"
"Darn it, I keep praying..."
"I know... pray harder!!"
During this time, The Russian called me. I didn't want to be rude, so I let it ring, and then I immediately texted him letting him know that I was wrapping up my evening with my grandmother - keep in mind it's only about 8pm. He responds back with a typical "Ok. :)" Not even 4 minutes later, I get another call - The Russian. Annoyed, this time I pick up.
Me: Hello?
TR: Pizza, Pizza (how original)
Me: Oh, hey I'm just wrapping up with my grandma, I'll let you know when I'm all done. Cool?
TR: Uhh, well how long you going to be?
(A long well-deserved pause on my end.... and during this pause I swear I could hear sultry R&B slow jams in the background. Vom.)
Me: Well, I'm about 10 minutes from you, so I'll let you know when I'm done.
TR: Ok cool (I could feel the plastered :) on his face)
At this point, I'm already turned off. But I kissed granny, said a silent prayer for myself and headed off to Starbucks to see The Russian. I messaged him while I was on my way letting him know I was close by. Then, I got this:
"Are you sure you want to meet there? Its always so packed inside :( Are you cool with just meeting up for a tea at my place? :)"
I lost it. Insert my first bail alert lifeline.
"No. I don't even know you." I immediately asked advice from my better half, The Roommate. She responded with a large and in charge "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" and told me to run. My thoughts exactly. I put the pedal to the metal and got the hell out of there. My inner paranoia immediately thought The Russian was x-raying visioning a gun at my car to blow my head off, mafia style.
Because I thought he may be an assassin, I sent him an apology for my freak out and I told him no girl in their right mind would agree to meeting a total stranger for the first time by going to their place, that's just not me. To which he replied that he's "met girls online who didn't mind coming over when I first met them. To each is own remember that. Making me wait and not showing up, is low. Good luck honey :)"
The honey reference and the :) made my blood boil, but then suddenly I became fluent in Russian...
Otebis' huesos :) :) :)
La Blonde xx
At first, things seemed promising. And by promising, I mean no blaring red flags. Other than the fact that I told him that calling me 'hun' is completely frowned upon in my books, he then called me 'hun' in three separate texts after that. Maybe if I spoke Russian...? Also, I think I owe The Over-Texter an apology or at least a rename. The Russian fully wins the World Series of over-texting. And his use of smiley faces was unnatural, which led me to believe he was either a decent human, or a blatant sex offender because no man can be that :) all the time. The first seventeen :) were nice, but soon after I wanted to rip the ) off the : ....
Anyway, after chatting for a while he asked me out on a Starbucks date. I soon found out that he doesn't drive (#winner) so I offered to drive to him. He conveniently lived about 10 minutes from my grandmother's place, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone - hang with granny and then hang with Russia.
I had a lovely chat with grandmother that evening, even though she may have asked me three times if I've met a man yet:
"No, Grandma"
"Darn it, I keep praying..."
"I know... pray harder!!"
During this time, The Russian called me. I didn't want to be rude, so I let it ring, and then I immediately texted him letting him know that I was wrapping up my evening with my grandmother - keep in mind it's only about 8pm. He responds back with a typical "Ok. :)" Not even 4 minutes later, I get another call - The Russian. Annoyed, this time I pick up.
Me: Hello?
TR: Pizza, Pizza (how original)
Me: Oh, hey I'm just wrapping up with my grandma, I'll let you know when I'm all done. Cool?
TR: Uhh, well how long you going to be?
(A long well-deserved pause on my end.... and during this pause I swear I could hear sultry R&B slow jams in the background. Vom.)
Me: Well, I'm about 10 minutes from you, so I'll let you know when I'm done.
TR: Ok cool (I could feel the plastered :) on his face)
At this point, I'm already turned off. But I kissed granny, said a silent prayer for myself and headed off to Starbucks to see The Russian. I messaged him while I was on my way letting him know I was close by. Then, I got this:
"Are you sure you want to meet there? Its always so packed inside :( Are you cool with just meeting up for a tea at my place? :)"
I lost it. Insert my first bail alert lifeline.
"No. I don't even know you." I immediately asked advice from my better half, The Roommate. She responded with a large and in charge "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" and told me to run. My thoughts exactly. I put the pedal to the metal and got the hell out of there. My inner paranoia immediately thought The Russian was x-raying visioning a gun at my car to blow my head off, mafia style.
Because I thought he may be an assassin, I sent him an apology for my freak out and I told him no girl in their right mind would agree to meeting a total stranger for the first time by going to their place, that's just not me. To which he replied that he's "met girls online who didn't mind coming over when I first met them. To each is own remember that. Making me wait and not showing up, is low. Good luck honey :)"
The honey reference and the :) made my blood boil, but then suddenly I became fluent in Russian...
Otebis' huesos :) :) :)
La Blonde xx
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