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La Blonde's Blogs

An archive of the good, the bad and the ugly.
Uncut and definitely not embarrassment-free.

Van City Dating

Date #15 and #16 - The Z Man; The Trilogy. 

2/16/2013

3 Comments

 
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Hello my lovely followers. I just want to start off by saying thank you - thank you for all your support, comments, tweets and allowing me to be a vulgar asshole and not judging me too much for it.

I must start off with a confession: as you can see by the title of this blog post I have gone on not one, but two other dates with The Z Man. You see, I would have posted these blogs a long time ago as they happened but out of respect for M, (Z's ex - the one who set all this up in the first place) even though I have never actually met her, I felt like I owed her some kind of unspoken girl code.  I didn't want to admit that I went on more dates for fear of hurting her.  But the more I thought about it,  the more I thought about the mission of this whole blog -  go on one date per week for 52 weeks. Or until Mr. Right falls into my lap. (Annnny minute now, dear...) And that's exactly what I've been doing, regardless if it's with a controversial character like Mr. Z.  So, if it seems like I haven't been actively dating or pursuing the mission, think again. La Blonde isn't a quitter! And on that lame ass note, let's begin:

One thing I must give Z credit for is his ability
to create a very presentable meal. Call me cray cray, but I've never had a date cook for me before.  Boyfriends yes, dates no. So Date #15 (and #16!) were a real treat. When I found out Date #15 consisted of homemade dinner, I immediately thought of my friend Lucia who often bitches about how men don't put in any efforts into relationships anymore: "Men these days are pussies.  What's the matter, can't they cook a little dinner dish once in a while?" which pretty much translates to all men are pussies. I hear you, sister.

His apartment is located in an upscale-ish part of the city, also quite large, and was kept clean (brownie points).  I noticed at least three exercise balls in the main room - one of which he sat on during dinner to work his 'core'.  For dinner he made a roasted red pepper and tomato soup that he garnished with sesame seeds, a drizzle of sesame oil and parsley. (He's probably reading this in a fury screaming... "it was cilantro, you idiot!") After that we had baked salmon filets accompanied with pan seared brussels sprouts and fresh grapefruit squeezed on the salmon for flavour. Nice, huh? He talked about every aspect of his meal making skills for about a half hour, obviously proud. Pretty impressive for a bachelor at the tender age of 27;  I gave him an A for effort.

After dinner, it was time for some comedic digestion.  Not from me, sillies! Stop it, from the folks at Absolute Comedy!  By the way, The Z Man doesn't have any wheels because he doesn't like to drive in the city.  Deal breaker?  C'est possible.  But lucky for him, Toronto is very accessible by public transportation.  And lucky for me, I love spending money on gas. Slash, he doesn't live too far from me either way.  Absolute Comedy is  awesome and you gotta love amateur night - 6 bucks each!  I noticed we had the same sense of humour laughing mostly at the sarcastic asshole stand up acts.  Good times.

Even though Z Man seemed to be doing everything right -- makes a dinner dish? Check. Pays for the night? Check. Keeps a clean home and points for date creativity? Check, check -- I felt something off about our connection. Maybe he felt it too?  As I pulled up to his place to drop him off (cue awkward goodbye), I immediately started nervously blabbing about nothing (usually a defense mechanism when I'm anticipating an awkward goodbye kiss). I figured if I kept talking he can't possibly land a wet one on me. Wrong. What I worried about happening, happened: Enter Z's tongue in my mouth.  Like a kamikaze of saliva to my face, Z was a man with a mission.  If you know me well enough, you'd know that I pride myself on how fabulous of a kisser I am. Years of good practice. Well, unfortunately my awesome lip-locking skills were not challenged....could it have been the tongue ring he had? Maybe it was the nerves?  I really try to not judge my dates until we've had at least three (unless they are one-hit-wonder online disasters, in which case I insta judge) so I thought, if he asks me out on a third date... I'll go with it.

So I went with it.  Date #16 - dinner and a movie. Chez Z. That same day I was nursing my first well- deserved hangover of 2013 so I wasn't even 40 percent but I was definitely looking forward to a catered dinner dish.  Again, no skimping on the presentation: first course was a beautiful-looking salad with blackerries and roasted pecans and a beet inspired dressing. Second came a lovely casserole concoction of roasted red pepper and tomato sauce over homemade chicken balls and sautéed mushrooms. Yum! Didn't know this was going to be a food blog, did ya? Oh, and I can't forget the chocolate protein balls we had for dessert. Took me like five whole minutes to eat that ball, I was savouring every. single. bite.

Next, the movie. Thoughtful that he is, he gathered some 'fight' inspired movies for us to watch since he knew that was my thang. Yup, I dig me some Chuck Norris and Kill Bill.  Between my lingering hangover and the food baby I was carrying, I was looking forward to a nice, cozy, comfortable, relaxing couch.  Unfortunately, this  was not the case.  Z has got to have the worst couch in the history of couch making: the back rest came up to about mid back, so you're forced to have amazing posture, which I do not.  And if you have a large head like I do, that shit needs to be held or propped up at all times or your neck will give way.  I could have said something, but I didn't want to complain, so instead I would occasionally twitch and try to adjust my neck as best as possible. My only logical option was to lean in towards him so I could relieve my neck spasm and rest my 20 lbs head on his shoulder. With his arm snuggled around me, I wondered if he thought I was trying to be romantic, a quality I know nothing of.  Either way, I must of let out the loudest sigh of relief. And then I passed out, for a solid 6 minutes. Best nap ever.

The movie was done, my neck felt much better and little did I know Z Man's next mission was about to begin. Only this time I didn't even get a chance to nervously word vomit before his next kamikaze saliva attack.

Me: "Sooo, did you like the mov----tongue in my mouth?"
Z: slkdfjskjcvsdjks slurpie, slurpie lsdjfskdljf

Quite the rabid animal. I think he thought he was all Rico Suave, so I just went with it.  The makeout sesh was slightly better than the first kiss, and I got to touch an #ab or two which was a nice treat. But it needed to stop there. He proudly showed off which part of his obliques he needed to work on for a fitness competition he was entering. I'm certain he'll win. Once his shirt was back on, it was time to go. We hugged, I thanked him for yet again another great time and didn't make any future plans. As I walked out he shouted 'we should do this again sometime!'.  I agreed, but I secretly knew there wasn't going to be a sometime.

Meeting Z was a great experience and he's a really nice guy.  I've actually learned so much from him:

1. If you care enough about yourself and your body you could actually look like a statue;
2. Some great recipes and the power of protein! Check out proteinpow.com - sorry Z, I hope I didn't just ruin your secret;
3. Even though you're kind of a horny dick, you did it in the classiest way possible... Dinner dish. So kudos kid, and good luck!

Text me if ever you're in my neck of the woods, maybe we can try a sparring match or go for protein pancakes!

La Blonde xx

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Masterpiece Meals!
3 Comments
@maris_c
2/16/2013 10:59:28 am

I died: "Enter Z's tongue in my mouth. Like a kamikaze of saliva to my face, Z was a man on a mission." Kamikaze of saliva...I got a visual.

The food looks incredible!

Reply
(The infamous) M
2/28/2013 09:42:42 am

Let me start by saying this: we, your devout readers, love you BECAUSE you're a vulgar asshole, not in spite of it! I'm convinced that we were actually separated at birth - Mom, I know you're reading this. Do we need to talk? I absolutely appreciate the girl-code gesture, but it was not at all necessary. I assure you that my dating life is happy, healthy, and far beyond the days of Z. I have a LOT of feedback on this one, so bear with me here people!

TRUE STORY: I read this blog entry out loud whilst on a date. A second date to be exact. I stood there in his kitchen, laughing hysterically while he cooked me dinner (SEE! They're NOT all pussies!)

I totally called it that he would make you red soup (it's his go-to, is typically made out of anything red in the fridge, and is always delicious. Be wary of green soup - it's a little more hit and miss), but the salmon was a surprise. Pork tenderloin is what he tends toward, so good for him for mixing it up. I still can't get my brussel sprouts to taste like his! No question, the boy can cook. I DO miss his macronutritionally calculated, well balanced and delicious meals. No big surprise that he sat on an exercise ball; it sounds kind of douchey, but I always thought it was charming in an "I still live like a college student" kind of way. And I guarantee you he cleaned the apartment before you came over. Just saying.

The date seems original, and yes, lots of fun...the first time. But he knows what he likes, and is definitely a creature of habit. No wheels was a question mark for me too, but definitely not a dealbreaker.

Ahh, the inevitable kiss. Flashback to MY first date with Z: we went for a run through High Park. Admittedly, I jogged some of it. Ok, a lot. I'm not a runner, alright? Give me a break! Think about it, people! Performance wear! Nothing like a lululemon butt-lift to impress a date! We finished our run, grabbed a couple of teas from the friendly neighbourhood Starbucks, and sat in a nearby parkette to chat (about musicals, Disney movied, his love of Twilight and other such SUPER Hetero subjects), get to know one another...and so that he could try to eat my face. I got home and immediately told my girlfriends that he was a great guy, and had no idea that he was gay, and was a terrible kisser. He was henceforth known as the GV: Gay Vampire. To his credit, he was a quick study, so it didn't take much more than a little gentle guidance, and a suggestion that he didn't need to be so aggressive to get him to delicious levels of make-out satisfaction. I can only assume that some other tongue-ring clad bimbo has come along and destroyed all of my hard work and years of training...

Remember how I was reading this out loud to my date? He took it upon himself to kamikaze my face with saliva himself a few times, albeit intentionally. Cute, real cute. I guess I deserved it a little.

Good on you for giving him a second (third?) chance. I'm not sure I would have given him a date #3 based on that one, but your tweet about it seemed significantly more swoon-y, so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Something about "...and a kiss goodnight...what more could a girl ask for?" SO onto you...

I'm tempted to wonder if he managed to somehow recover his pre-M apartment couch. That thing was brutal. And free. I'm guessing he once again found himself in a you-get-what-you-pay-for situation. Truth be told, he's probably never sat on it. I'd be willing to wager he doesn't have a coffee table either. He always insisted on laying on the floor. I'm rolling my eyes at him even thinking about it. At least you got a good quality nap in, and he didn't interrupt.

Makeout sesh ends with Z in no shirt? LOL Horny dick, indeed! Again, no big surprise, and I TOLD YOU about the #abs, didn't I? I won't ask questions about how much other clothing stayed on. Does the 3 date rule still apply? Don't answer that. I saw him at the gym this past weekend, and a mere 3 weeks out from competition, the boy is LEEEEEEEEEEEEAN. Unattractively so, in my opinion, but I think he knows that I have wild respect for him in that aspect. He can be so focused when he wants something, and to look "like a statue" as La Blonde so aptly put it, is no small feat. Honestly, he could make the David look like he needs to go on a diet.

I'll always have love for him, and he really is a great guy, and I'm glad I had him as a best friend and partner for the short time that I did. This was a fun experiment, and even though he seems to have gone back to some of his douchey ways, and clearly wasn't your future hubster, I hope you don't hold anything against me for starting this whole fiasco!

Double date sometime soon? Maybe with Mr. Date #17??

Can't wait to read more, and hopefully we can do our girl-date someday!

Luck&Love,
M
xo

Reply
Concerned reader
3/1/2013 03:06:54 am

Dearest La Blonde. This whole situation is scary. Do you find yourself feeling like you're involved in a weird love triangle?

M is a liar, she is NOT over Z. Did you notice her comment is longer than your blog post? Let's compare how he kisses, tastes, smells....mmmmmmm. I am weirded out and hoping you don't give him another date just to shake the stalker situation. RUN. RUN FAST. Girl date = murder date!!!

Reply



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